Tuesday, 21 November 2017

The Confident Introvert

The Confident Introvert

I guarantee if you've met me you'd have thought one of two things in the first 10 minutes. You either thought "She's scary" or "She's quiet". How does that work? I have no clue but I'm about to shed some light on what is going on in my head and why I can only describe myself as a confident introvert.

Whenever I meet new people 1 on 1 I am very confident, I want them to feel comfortable and I don't want any awkward silences. Same goes for a group of people I haven't met face to face yet but I have met in other ways (Instagram pods, twitter groups, Facebook etc). If I feel that we have a high chance of getting along I am excitable, loud and genuinely quite confident.

   But what if I meet a group of people I've never interacted with before? What if I have doubts we will even get along? What if I am a bit anxious and dubious of the whole meeting? That is when you'll meet my introverted side. Hello. Im awkward as fuck. 

   I will probably greet you with a smile and a Hi, how're you? - Im not that introverted - But apart from that I'll sit back and listen to the groups conversation, only chirping in when directly spoken to, I'll ponder my words carefully yet never get the opportunity to say them. Sometimes, I'm told it comes across rude, sometimes, I'm told I appear to be disinterested or think I'm better than everyone else. It's horrible to hear these comments because I am interested, I am so so so interested. But I'm battling an invisible war in my head of when to speak, what to say and how to come across. 

    After a bit of dutch courage I am everyone's friend, which normally leads to the comments "I thought you were shy when I first met you" or "You scared me at first but you're really nice". It's a hard personality to weigh out and its often left me hiding from meeting new people because I just assume I won't be favoured. But the reality is that I am itching to make new friends, to bond with strangers and to have a good old chat. I love to ask people questions and spend time finding out things I didn't know before. We all have a personality trait we would trade in a second, but, instead of hating mine I'm trying to love it.

I love my introverted side because I am a great listener thanks to it. Whilst others battle to get their voice heard in the group I am often taking in every single persons voice and listening to what they are actually saying. I love to help solve peoples problems as I find I am quite good at listening and giving advice when it is needed. I pride myself on being a mediator in arguments, willing to take both peoples sides and not necessarily pick one but try and resolve the issue.

Being an introvert also allows me to appreciate the importance of spending time alone. They say you can tell if you're an introvert if after half an hour spent alone everyday you feel refreshed and happier. Compared to an extrovert who would find half an hour alone a day very irritating. I always value time alone, making sure I can be my own best friend by taking myself shopping, into London or away for awhile. 

I also love my confident side. My confidence can help me smash job interviews as I am always excitable, ready to impress and willing to ponder over every question given to me. If someone is new to a group, that I am already friendly with, my confidence drives me to get them involved and find out about them, its my own little mission to make them feel comfortable. My friends will know me as the confident person that tells the best stories and creates the loudest laughs.

Being confident also allows me to drive all the way to Manchester just to explore a new city, consider booking a holiday alone or to get up and go travelling. It really lets me try new things, speak my mind and be the best possible version of myself...

- as cringe as all that sounds, bleugh, send the sick bucket -

If being a confident introvert means two or three people won't want to get to know me and dismiss me, I suppose I can deal with that, because I love the personality traits being a confident introvert gives me and I wouldn't trade them up for the world.

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