Tuesday, 6 March 2018

Saying yes is easy. Saying no is hard.

Saying Yes Is Easy. Saying No Is Hard.

I often see things that remind us to say yes to things more, because it'll lead us to new experiences and open our eyes to better things. I understand this meaning completely and want to stress how great it is saying yes to more wild choices in life. But what if saying no can help us out a greater deal?

Saying no to that extra bit of work your manager squeezes into the last 10 minutes of the day. Saying no to that friend you don't particularly enjoy spending time with anymore. Or just saying no to one more drink because quite frankly you want to go home and watch Netflix.

Our sanity is often undermined when saying yes to everything. We can become overworked, over socialised and left feeling guilty. But what if saying no could be seen as less guilty and more relieving? I have decided to take on this challenge using a few different mindsets:

 Firstly, I always ask myself - If I was on my death bed would I regret not spending more time with this person? Yes - it is dramatic I completely understand that... But does it work? Brutally so. I've spent week on week going out with this one person and I've given them my fair share of being a social butterfly, I can say no to this one Friday karaoke night without feeling bad about it.

Secondly, I become aware of how I am expressing the no. Obviously if a friend texts asking for a night out and my reply is "no." I can see why it would be met with hostility. But focusing my energy on how to say no is important, not only for the person in question but for myself. It is important on how that 'no' makes me feel too. 
I can become extremely nervous when face to face with a person so instead of blurting out a frantic OKAY YES and becoming sick to my stomach with regret, I often reply "can I get back to you?". Its important to not damage your mental health over turning down an offer and give yourself the space to say no in your own terms.

Thirdly, I always consider my own goals. Its okay to be selfish and only accept work or challenges that will benefit you in the long run. If a manager asks if you'd like to attend a course that you know won't benefit you at all just politely say no. I know I've spent far too much time listening to talks about topics I never care for again, all the while my work is piling up at my desk. Its okay for someone else's interest not to be your own.

Finally, whenever I feel my "no" isn't being heard I pretend to be a body guard for myself. Imagine being an A-List celebrity with a body guard walking beside you. They don't let anyone through, not even a fan who's crying and snotting all over the place. I imagine myself to be broad and tall and see my main objective as protecting myself instead of trying to please an individual. 
Obviously this may not be the best idea if saying no to something crucial at work - do not get yourself fired over my advice please haha.

Whatever your reasoning for saying no, just make sure you are doing it for your own sanity and the right reasons. Saying yes to things is far too easy, lets all introduce a firm no every now and again. We deserve it.

© Naomi Wise | All rights reserved.