Saturday, 4 March 2017

Getting older...

Getting Older


Nothing scares me more than the idea of getting old. Saying goodbye to things that are no longer deemed acceptable at a certain age, having to ring in sick without your mum doing it for you, learning that responsibilities are no longer avoidable.

I know it seems depressing and trust me this post isn't going to leave you in tears. But I wanted to first sum up the fact that it is okay to be scared...  But when did I start wishing my birthday would never come?

I would have to guess my last exciting birthday countdown was when I turned 21. I couldn't wait, I loved the idea of turning 21. But when I soon realised 22 was around the corner I felt this new dread I hadn't felt before. I started joking it was my 21st birthday - Round 2... I didn't want to accept my next birthday at all.

Well, I survived turning 22 as you can see, and this year I turn 23. But this makes me feel more sick... Why?

Is it because I am far from being a teenager... Because I should have my shit together... Because 23 doesn't sound as fun as 21...?

Maybe. But quite honestly I am thrilled to have left my teenage years behind... I have decided to focus on the greatness of being in my twenties and turn this post around.

Great things about being older

I finally know who I am

Looking back at my teenage years I had no idea who I was. Even at 19 years old I was trying my hardest to find "me" by pretending to be someone else. I would hold strong opinions that I frankly didn't care about because I didn't know what I was even passionate about yet. I had no clue where I wanted to be in 5 years because I didn't know where I would be in 5 weeks.

I am so happy to be in a career that I love (it took a long time trust me, but thats a whole other can of worms) and I actually have a 5 year plan that satisfies me now. It probably will never go along like I have envisaged but at least I know what I want and what I don't want.

Friendships

Something that haunts me is the amount of time I spent on toxic friendships. Growing up I was petrified of not being liked or accepted into a friendship group. I would never dare leave the group of girls I had been friends with for years because then I'd be "alone". Even though these friendships were making me extremely miserable.

I am so thankful that I was pushed hard enough to leave these toxic people behind and decide to look after myself and not accept any less then what I deserved. I now have a handful of friends who I love and respect.

Who Cares?

I remember having such a guard up whilst growing up, I would act aggressive and be loud and outspoken. But really I had no clue what I was being loud and aggressive about. I was just hiding behind a facade so it didn't appear like I cared.

Well I have learnt A LOT over the past few years and now I simply do not care about anyones opinions but those who matter. My beautiful girl friends, my fiancé and my family are the only opinions I will have time for. Its made me a confident and happier person this way.


Acceptance

I think back to myself as a teenager and realise how many grudges were held and hatred was spewed. I would put so much time and energy into being angry at people or situations. I never had the pride to let go.

I can finally understand that more energy is lost holding onto hatred compared to letting it go and forgiving. I also learnt that forgiving someone doesn't necessarily mean meeting up and hugging it out. It just means forgetting about them and moving forward. 

A reminder

I'd also like to point out that growing up is a massive blessing that some people are not fortunate enough to do. Although I highly doubt I will be singing from the rooftops about turning 23 this year, I would like to say that life is sometimes too short and we should really look at the blessings we have around us.

Love you all,




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